Manosaurus the Vegan. An OkCupid Excerpt.

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I present this conversation in its entirety and have refrained from adding my own commentary (with a great deal of restraint).

Manosaurus: Hi Ella! I’m practically out the door, but I didn’t want the opportunity to pass to reach out and say, ‘Hi Ella!’

Quickly, I give great massages happily, I prefer women my own age, intellectual conversations? YES PLEASE!, I prefer Bananagrams to Scrabble, maybe you and I will play it together someday. I do not have any tattoos and I do not want them, I laugh at myself all the time, I bike commuted for 16 years without owning a car. I bought a new car a couple of months ago, so I’m a car person again. Too many bike wrecks. I enjoy Downton Abbey, my mother and father and I are very close,

You sound amazing and I’d love to communicate with you more to see if we might meet in person.

Have a lovely evening and I’ll check back with great optimism that you will have replied in turn. BTW: I got an email that said you “Liked” me. This is why I’m emailing.

Christopher

p.s. Sorry if there are any grammatical errors since I didn’t have the time to proof read.

Smile and laugh for yourself and the rest of the world!

Sent Aug 12

Me: Christopher. You’re on. I was a professional masseuse. More later. xo –dana

Mano: I got delayed, but now I’m very nearly out the door. I’m very happy to hear this!
e-hugs! And yes, indeed, more later.

Mano: I’m back, Dana. A friend of mine is going through a divorce and I’m being a sounding board as of late.

You sound marvelous, truly!

I’m a Portland native as are my parents. They live at the coast and I visit them about three times per month. They shaped me as a man and I admire and love them very much.

Bananagrams, if you haven’t already played it, be prepared to completely dig a new table game. It’s like Scrabble, but you can constantly change the tiles to make up new words and word configurations.

It’s difficult for me to say I’m sexy, but I do know I’m sensual and not in a feminine way. I’m romantic and lavish my trusted lover with devotion and all aspects of love making. I’m extremely generous in this sense and I put the one I love above myself.

I am warm and compassionate. I care about the world around me and treat everyone like a sibling. I’m generous with my time and with what I have. It’s a family trait. I’m intelligent enough to know I know nothing. The multiverse is full and my mind is empty, but starving for more and more.

I’m not into hooking up. My goal is to meet the woman I will spend the rest of my life with. Monogamy is the sexiest thing I can think of. Being true to the one who is true back is so romantic and special in a world indiscretion and cheap thrills. I’m a keeper and I want a keeper. Once I find her, I’m going to be off Social Media forever. I’m very much looking forward to that.

Never concern yourself with brushing your hair. Disheveled hair is not only for men. Sexy, sexy!
*
Mano: I trust you had a great night sleep. At this moment, I’m headed off to the sheets. Sweetest of dreams!

Sent Aug 13

Mano: Please let me know if I said something wrong.

Sent Aug 13

Me: Oh gosh no. Today is my birthday. And my father is visiting. And I worked today. :)

I changed my profile pic which was all I had time for. 😉

Other than being a vegan, you seem like the ideal man.

😉

And I am looking forward to responding at length when I have some privacy and a real keyboard at my fingertips.

Sent from the OkCupid app.

Mano: Oh my! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR DANA!! Have a marvelous time with your father.
Yes, I’m vegan, but I do not impose my lifestyle on others.

Me: Thanks! We are going to a steakhouse. 😉

Mano: Yikes, steakhouse. I didn’t think that one through.
I’m not the guy for you. Great happiness and good luck!

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